Principal designate

I was looking for a job and I found a...

 courageous champion of children and families who knows and understands the landscape...(principal of ) ...a school that will choose its own path, will form its own destiny, bespoke to the needs and challenges of our children and families.

If we consider that experiences, for instance the music festival, must be a meld of what is presented by the acts and what is brought to the party by the spectator then by definition all experience must be as unique as each life. The writer is uniquely skilled in getting the school to part with taxpayer pounds for this fluff:

Where falcons fear to fly is where you’ll find the - - soaring. A special free school hatched from the collaboration of a group of outstanding special schools, we know the sky is no limit! As we prepare for flight, we need to appoint a Principal Designate to plan our journey, pilot us through pre-opening, launch us as a fully-fledged school in September 2018, and onward into our future. ..

It would be unjust to single out this ad as an avatar of HR (that term alone reduces the human to mineral- hardly the intention). Unfair can be fun though and I presume the substantial cheque drawn on public funds has cleared. So let's do this thing...

someone who instinctively innovates from a bedrock of SEN expertise to mine solutions from complex problems.

There is a kind of shaming going on here as there is clearly an undercurrent of desire to do as Mum and Dad did: a real job. Bruce Springsteen wears the clothes his daddy wore to give his audience stories of manual labour - its camraderie and dignity, especially in the face of tragedy - the factory fire,the oil rig explosion, the staffroom herbal tea choice restricted to three flavours.

Mining, steelworking, crewing fishing vessels - these are the stuff of the troubadour delivered to an audience in denim/ plaid shirt uniform (designer naturally) shelling out what would be several days pay for the old fella/ lady to let the communion wafer of this ancestor worship dissolve slowly on the tongue.

Copywriters might have to wear suits to meet clients but by all that is holy they can clothe their prose in the language of the oil well and factory floor

mine solutions...drill

From and for people who got a black and decker from their parents as a second present when they bought their first flat (which was the first present) and assumed the thing worked itself. Pop came around one day and in minutes the shelves went up to host their collection from their management course featuring such titles as Feed the Animal,Don't Tame Him - What Serial Killers Can Teach Us About the Modern Workplace,

will be values-driven

Of course there is no context offered so the phrase is meaningless - or valueless if you like. What if your values are not desirable or appropriate? Genghis Khan, Joe Stalin, Vlad the Impaler had values -possibly not the ones listed in the person spec. On the other hand the role demands someone who

instinctively innovates

Sort of rhymes a bit but generally organisational change builds on previous success/ failures and is based on a study of such rather than something which comes to you on the spur of the moment - a Columbo hunch is based on years of detective work, especially on Sunday afternoons. A few more to finish.

order from disorder (comfortable with chaos) -

Make up your mind I say although weirdly this gets all religious echoing the creation in the book of Genesis. God might consider putting in an application although his habit of taking a seventh day rest might strike the governors as less than pleasing and the beard would have to go.

this is a school that will choose its own path, will form its own destiny,

this is the bit I found seriously worrying as I am transported to the beer kellers of Munich in the 30s - Ein schule, ein policy on sick leave, ein good with outstanding features

And the coda: the bit that says you must understand they do not require the 

finished article (spent force)

So as soon as you achieve mastery of a skill  you are done - Roger Federer go home you won last year . If you somehow finish reading the job ad, you probably have a strong enough stomach to apply - don't worry about the whole qualification/ experience thing as that would make you dangerously close to the above.

Please send in any Job ads like the above- the more spoons of sacharine prose, the heavier with acronym, the more flannel the better

Next time 

Would suit experienced or newly qualified...

You've never umpired a Wimbledon match before but you want to do the final...